Love Quest
by nacotic
Summary: Sam has been set up by Janet to appear on a dating game three guys, ones the perfect match but who is she going to pick?!


Title: The Love Quest  
  
Author: Stickna  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Category: Dating, crossover, angst… very angst, some comedy… did I mention angst?  
  
Spoilers: none.  
  
Rating: G – and its very angst  
  
Pairings: no info given - you'll have to read and find out!  
  
Summary: Sam has been set up by Janet to appear on a dating game three guys, ones the perfect match but who is she going to pick?!  
  
Disclaimer: Ok I know that I don't own any of the rights to the characters of Stargate SG-1 and this is in every way an infringement on the rights of MGM, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Corp. But I just had this great idea appear in my head and I wanted to get it down because well it's a Stargate fanfic and I'm crazy about them!! ^_^v. Ok, ok so I don't own any of the Buffy characters either give it a rest…!  
  
But I did made up the head of Showtime entertainment, which admittedly I don't own either…  
  
Author Notes: well this is the second completed and posted fanfic that I wrote solo so I hope it's ok and if you want to tell me your opinion you've gotta review… that isn't too hard is it… or feed back is good so please feel free: bubles_vampires@hotmail.com.  
  
Oh and sometimes the characters seem to like to get vocal with the narrator when this happens it will be in these brackets  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
Jan 4th daytime… Ok evening… so it's closer to midnight – this 'is' Janet we're talking about remember?  
  
Janet Frasier sat in her office thinking of ways to speed up the inevitable. But how do you speed up love? That was the question that she had sat pondering night after night, after she'd finished up her reports and wasn't quite ready to go home. Sam and Jack were meant for each other she could sense the chemistry. They had that whole 'vibe' thing down to a tee. A swell as those little sideways pervs when they thought no one was watching.  
  
As she pondered she listened to the local radio station 'Colorado FM' it was the love song request evening. As Janet thought she started paying attention to one of the adds. That new dating game show 'Love Quest' needed new contestants… "That's it!!" she exclaimed. "I'll put Sam and Jack on that show with two intellectual losers and that way they'll get teamed up for sure!" Janet congratulated herself as she started to write out the entry sheet for Sam to choose her 'partner'.  
  
She thought for a minute… 'Now… who could I put on to contest with Jack… that's a hard one…'  
  
  
  
Five Days Later 9th of Jan  
  
Sam walked down to her mailbox to pick up whatever junk that may have collected there over her working days. She flipped through the mail pile as she walked back to the house… "Bill, bill, bill, junk, science news monthly, bill, TV station invite to be on Love Quest, Bill… wait a minute…" she flipped back… yep she had read right there was a letter from Showtime Entertainment inviting 'her' to be on Love Quest. Sam had watched every single episode since the thing had started three months ago.  
  
"OHMYGOD!! LOOOOOOVE QUEEEEESSSST!!! WOOHOOO!!!" Sam screamed at the top of her lungs. Mrs. Appleby from over the road looked rather stunned after the outburst.  
  
"Sorry Mrs. Appleby" Sam smiled apologetically at the slightly scared looking old lady.  
  
Sam ran inside grinning as she read the letter.  
  
Ms. Samantha Carter,  
  
Your entry has won! You are to appear on the Love Quest Tuesday January 9th. Please come to the Showtime Entertainment complex at 6pm. With this letter and some form of identification, please dress appropriately.  
  
  
  
Signed by Showtime Entertainment Managing Director:  
  
a person who looks like no one either living or dead and if so, it is completely coincidental.  
  
  
  
1 Meanwhile at Jacks  
  
Jack looked through his mail… ok so there where only two letters but he still looked through them!  
  
"Let's see now… American Baseball Monthly… Showtime Entertainment?"  
  
Jack opened the letter from the Showtime. "Lets see… Mr. Jack O'Neill yadda yadda yadda you have been selected blah blah to appear on the program Love Quest… blah blah be at the complex January 9 at 5.45pm dressed neatly… yadda yadda…" Jack read the letter to himself.  
  
At Joe the bum's cardboard box across town  
  
"Excuse me?" asked a postman "Is there a Joe here?"  
  
"Herfere" came the muffled reply from a cardboard box. Joe stepped out of his box and took the letter from the postman. And read it… he probably wouldn't have bothered going except for the fact that he lived in the ally next to the Showtime entertainment complex…  
  
2 Meanwhile – at the cemetery in Sunnydale  
  
Spike was receiving the same letter and for some strange reason he thought going on a dating game might just get his mind off buffy 'til the next season began.  
  
3 January 9 5.45pm 17:45 – for the Stargate lovers  
  
The three male contestants make their way to the door.  
  
"What's all this bollox about anyway?" questioned Spike who, through the magic of fanfiction, managed to make it to Colorado and to the Showtime entertainment complex on time.  
  
"I know you don't I?" Jack said as he looked the vampire over, completely ignoring spike's question.  
  
"What?" Asked Spike as he stuffed a ciggie into his mouth and lit it.  
  
"Those things will kill you…" said Joe who had decided to stay sober for the event.  
  
"…You want one?" asked Spike  
  
"Won't say no…" Joe said accepting his offer. Spike wasn't thinking properly… he wanted Buffy… needed Buffy… I'm talking medically needed Buffy… ok well you get what I mean he was lovesick, and didn't even realise he just gave away a ciggie to a bum no less. And Jack was lovesick for Carter I mean he didn't know what he was doing here… was he being unfaithful? Perhaps only if she found out… he hoped she wasn't a fan of Love Quest…  
  
"Hello 'gentlemen'" said a young blonde employee called Brittany with what could be described more as a belt around her waist than a skirt… Joe couldn't help he looked her up and down… reow!!  
  
Hey! I don't say 'reow!'  
  
~You don't live in a cardboard box either! This is a fanfic!!~  
  
Oh… good point…  
  
Both Jack and Spike couldn't care less… they had other 'things' on their mind… Uh… Things? I mean people yea but not things!  
  
~Jack that's what is 'meant' by 'things'~  
  
………oh……… OH right I gotcha!!  
  
^Uh like hi? Can we like get back to the story?^  
  
~sorry brit~  
  
'Anyway' Brittany led them into the studio and took them to make-up. Joe was the one who needed the most exfoliation – not surprising that a bum doesn't have clean pores.  
  
"I've got it!!" announced Jack "you're from Charmed aren't you! You're that White lighter Leo!" Spike looked slightly spooked by the outburst from Jack.  
  
"Well no… actually I…" Jack cut him off  
  
"Billy from Ally McBeal?" Jack asked with renewed vigour.  
  
"No! I…"  
  
"Are you a backstreet boy? Cause I don't think I could handle having to sit next to a…" It was Spike's turn.  
  
"No I'm Spike!! From Buffy!!" Jack looked somewhat puzzled. "You know the 'Slayer'" The two looked at each other in silence…  
  
"…………"  
  
"…………"  
  
"Oh 'that' show, I knew all along! I was… testing you." Jack said sheepishly trying to retain what little pride he had.  
  
"Ok" said Brittany as she walked into the make-up room. "Time to come on stage and meet Mr. Dude the presenter."  
  
The introduction went surprisingly well… considering only two wall sets where knocked over and only one of the cameras damaged beyond repair… heh…  
  
6:00 p.m. 18:00 (there I go again… I think it's more for me then it is for you guys… *sweat drop*)  
  
Sam walked up to the door. She was met by the spunkmeister 2001, otherwise known as Johnny (sigh Yummy)  
  
"Ms. Samantha Carter?" Johnny asked in his spunk voice. Sam was in her own little world… why did something feel wrong… like she was… betraying someone… hmmm…  
  
"Ms. Carter?" Johnny asked again more insistantly.  
  
"Hmm? Oh Yea… Yea that's me." Sam snapped herself out of it.  
  
"Come with me please."  
  
"Ok." Carter said she felt like her soul was being eaten… must be my nerve's she thought wavering off the feeling.  
  
Make-up didn't take too long for Carter, only a powder up, new lipstick, new mascara and eye shadow – pretty low-key sorta stuff.  
  
4 At the set  
  
The three men were sat on their chairs behind the screen before they could do anymore damage.  
  
Carter was lead in to meet Mr. Guy Dude. Her eyes almost popped when she saw him.  
  
"Hello Contestant" he said… knowing full well that the three males behind the screen would do anything to find out a bit more about the one they were trying to win the heart of.  
  
A technician walked up to Mr. Dude.  
  
"Five minutes sir." He said.  
  
"Thankyou Maurice."  
  
The audience was filled with people. Janet one of the many, Sam had told her about the whole 'Love Quest' thing, she just had to see what would happen. 'After all it's fate! I mean with those other two losers I chose, Sam couldn't choose anyone else… I wonder what she'd do if she found out I did it' Janet thought to herself inanely.  
  
5 5 Minutes later  
  
The Cheesy love quest theme started up and Dude introduced the show after the audience clapping had died down.  
  
"Hi, I'm Guy Dude and you're watching Loooooove Quueeest!" the audience cheered. "Now to introduce Miss Contestant here's Johnny." Johnny Guided Sam onto the stage and sat her down on the stool.  
  
"Hi Contestant!" Said Guy. As he said this the TV screens in the studio flashed the name and age of Sam so as not to give away any clues to the men behind the screen. "Well Contestant you know the drill, three questions each for the three suitors behind screens one, two and three. Over to you, for round one! 'The Present'" Sam got handed three question cards to use at will.  
  
"Thanks" Sam said to Dude trying not to sound too excited "uh… number one" (Joe)"where is the place you'd like to take me on holidays?"  
  
"Well… I think that under the bridge downtown is pretty nice there's always half a sandwich or packet of fries down there, if you beat the birds to it." Said Joe obviously thinking more for him than the girl on the other side of the screen.  
  
"Ok then…" said Sam hoping the other two weren't going to be bad. "Contestant number two" (Jack) "where is the dream place that you'd take me on a date?" Sam asked hoping for something slightly better than under the bridge down town…  
  
"Hmm… If I could I would take you to the furthest reaches of the universe… but I have a nice shack near a lake… that's nice…" Jack said. Sam couldn't help but smile… after all she already went to the furthest reaches of the universe once or twice a week… and she had a colonel wanting to take her to his shack… by a lake… naaaa!! Couldn't be!… "That's really sweet." Sam commented "Contestant number three…" (Spike) "What is a hobby we could do together?" Spike thought for a minute… "Well" Thinking that she wouldn't be interested in robotics… and fixing his buffy toy… "Uh… we could write poetry… to each other"  
  
"That sounds… nice" Guy cut in. "We'll take a short break and be back right after these messages from our sponsors." The 'on air' lights went off as a bell rang. The make-up team ran onto the stage and powdered Guy and Sam as well as checking that the other men hadn't smudged their make-up and then disappeared again. The director took a bight of his bagel then stood up and put his earphones back on "Okay and we're back in five, four, three, two… and…" the director pointed at Guy. "Welcome back! If you've just joined us, you're too late for the first round of questions!" the audience laughed, due to the laugh sign flashing at them… "But welcome to the second round, 'The Future' over to you contestant" Receiving another three cards she began again.  
  
"Number one; where would our dream house be?" Joe had lived the same way all his life and had no idea what would flatter a girl, therefore he chose something that would flatter him… "A camper van!" said Joe quite proud of himself, this got a giggle from Jack and Spike but Sam's face went quite white with shock. "Why?" she asked wondering why on earth a camper van would be a dream home… "Well that way we could travel all over the place and…" Sam cut him off "That sounds nice…" it was Joe's turn "and we could see the junkyards of famous cities!" The audience didn't wait to be told what to do this time they booed and jeered at the answer. Sam was off put by this. What kind of a man visits junkyards as a sight seeing tour? Although she now had a rather sickening feeling in her stomach she went on. "C-contestant number two: what would happen after our first date if we liked each other and decided to keep seeing each other?" Sam asked expecting a perverted answer. "We'd arrange another date as I walked you to your door and kissed you goodnight."  
  
A sign lit up in front of the audience reading Awwwwww. So that's just what they did… "Awwwwww"  
  
Sam was in love with this guy and she'd only known his voice for 15 minutes… there was something familiar about the voice, as if she'd heard it somewhere before…in a dream perhaps? Anyway she digressed. "Number three: if we stayed together what would have happened in five years time?" Sam looked at the screen with the three painted on it. "We'd probably be… at Sunnydale." Spike refrained from saying that they'd be living in Sunnydale for… obvious reasons.  
  
"Well that round held some surprises huh?" asked Guy looking questioningly at screen number one. But we'll be back after this break with round three and our contestant's choice." Much the same as last time the make-up crew came out but this time three people entered the studio Sam noticed. How could you not notice someone like Teal'c even with a hat on, and no one held the distinctive schoolboy look better than Daniel and then there was the third figure, she couldn't quite work out who it was… GENERAL HAMMOND?! What the?! they went to sit next to Janet. But where was Jack… uh… Colonel O'Neill? Sam couldn't help feel like she was going behind his back… 'I don't like him! I DON'T LIKE HIM…' Sam went over and over it in her mind and anyway screen number two was so sweet!  
  
Daniel waved at Sam, who smiled in acknowledgement. The director came up to the edge of the stage and counted guy in again.  
  
"Welcome back to round three! This is our final round. The decider! 'the things we do' over to you contestant!" guy said looking over to Sam. The cameras turned to her. This round the question was the same. To make sure the others didn't hear the question or answers of the others they were given head phones that played music Joe was the first to be asked the question. "Number one? What would you sacrifice for me?" Sam asked. "I would gladly share half of my cardboard box with you but you'd have to find your own food!" Brittany put a set of earphones on his head and took Jack's off. "Number two: what would you sacrifice for me?" Jack thought for a moment 'I like Sam… No! NO I DON'T! ARG THAT CAN'T HAPPEN!! This girl seems nice… so' "…I'd sacrifice everything I needed to, for you." Well Sam's mind had pretty much been made up from the first round but she decided to hear out number three's sacrifice. Brittany put Jack's earphones back on and took off Spike's. "Number three." Sam wanted this over and done with. "What would you sacrifice for me?" Spike thought… 'Well I can't sacrifice blood…' "Smoking. I would give it up to keep you happy!" Brittany took the earphones off Jack and Joe. "Well contestant. It's time for you to make your decision!" Guy said over the applause of the audience. Sam was lead over by Johnny to where Guy was standing. "What is your decision?" Guy asked. "Well" said Sam wanting to be diplomatic for the feelings of the men. "Not that you others were bad but I'm afraid Number two stole my heart!" The corny 'Love Quest' theme played as Sam got lead over to screen number two. The screen lifted to reveal…  
  
"Sir?!" "Carter?!" they said in unison. Nobody heard over the cheers of Janet, Daniel and Hammond as well as the rest of the audience. Teal'c, Murray looked at looked at them rather strangely then turned to see what was happening.  
  
"What about the regs?" Jack asked her quietly as the balloons and confetti showered them. "Hammond's here I think we're safe." Sam answered. They turned to face each other. Jack cupped her face in his hands. He leaned in and tilted his head sideways. Sam tilted her head up. Their lips touched. A shock of electricity shot through them both. They kissed. It deepened. When they broke for air about twenty seconds later. They looked deep into each other's eyes. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you too." Sam whispered back. They kissed again. The show finished and the audience filed out. The newest famous couple went over to their friends.  
  
General Hammond was the first to congratulate them. "But sir? I don't understand. What about the regs?" Sam asked. She looked like a scared child. The thought of losing Jack made her want to cry. "The regulations clearly state that there cannot be a relationship between two officers if it will in some way hinder their performance. But I don't think you'd ever harm your positions…" Hammond smiled. Jack and Sam where over joyed! Sam had a smile from ear to ear, then that smile faded, "Okay who set this up?!" Sam asked looking suspiciously at Janet.  
  
"Okay so I set it up! It worked didn't it?!" Janet waited to get her head blown off. But instead she got a "thankyou!" from a Sam who was happier than she had been in a long time. She praised Janet's name for weeks to come and thanked her again at their wedding party.  
  
  
  
  
  
So… what did you think? Hope you liked it… please R&R and if you want to praise, abuse or suggest something more email me at bubbles_vampires@hotmail.com 


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